Had the biggest fight with my youngest sis yesterday. She had she dun feel love from any of us in the family, so therefore she does not need to show any of us respect. Says we do not care about what she does good in school and felt hurt with we said she had not improved in her Maths when she had actually put in a lot of efforts. Sigh......
I really wanted to tell her that she experienced the same thing as I did when I was her age. I do not understand why my parents are so keen on working and did not show a slightest interest in what I do. When I got an achievement, for example, coming out as being the 1st in class for the year, they did not even turn up at the school's open day to see me receive the trophy for it. All I knew that they were success-inclined, as long as you are doing fine, you will be fine. Woe betide me if I have to get my parents to go to school when I refuse to hand up my home work or 'misbehave' in school. They will bring out the cane and threaten all sorts of things to me. I think I got used to it. I wanted to tell her that what she is feeling is natural and is exactly what I felt. Unloved and being treated like a machine. I guess my parents have this mindset that as long as they are working hard to earn money, we children have to reciprocrate by studying hard and come out tops in class or school. I guess they do not understand that working hard without giving your children love is not equal to hardworking, sucessful children.
At least I turned out to be ok, unscarred by all these. Now I am so scared that my sis will think that I am a control machine and should be hated for it. FYI, she is already treating me like her mortal enemy and refuses to acknowledge my presence in the house. I could not tell her that I can't help being controlling because my parents have sub-conscious nagged me into controlling a child that they do not want to control and 'bring back to being good again' because they are still concentrating too much in their work and earning money. I can't tell her that if I do not control her, I would deemed being as a failure being a elder sister in my parents' eyes and fail miserably again. I can't tell her that I am stretched like a rubber band now, sandwiched between my parents and her, each side crying out 'Help me get out of this miserable situation!' and expecting me to do the magic. I am so tired.
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