Clueless Diva

Healer

There is one line in Hillsong's new song Healer: 'You walk with me through fire.'

How many times have I walked through fire since I knew Him? Many people have told me the reason why they gave up on God is because they thought that God will solve all their problems in life. They became disillusioned when that 'help' did not materialise.

There are many many times in my life I wanted to give up. I went into depression before. I did not want to leave my bed for days on end and I thought I will be in a better place if I terminate myself. I have came out of this and I am glad I had gain an understanding that even though God do not give us solutions on a silver platter, He will come through for us. In the midst of my depression, I had cried out to God, please, give me something, anything. And I am blessed.

I think I am in a valley now, haha, maybe for the past 3 years or so. There are times occasionally I want to throw in the towel. There is always this voice in me that rebelled, 'do you actually need to be treated this way? You are tired right? Why hold on?' I was told I was not tenacious before and I got really determined not to get that label again. But do I need to be that clingy?

When the going gets tough, am I tough enough to go on?

Francesca told me that all people who offended me sleeps soundly at night, and offered me this verse instead:

Isaiah 41:8-16 (New International Version)
8 "But you, O Israel, my servant,
Jacob, whom I have chosen,
you descendants of Abraham my friend,

9 I took you from the ends of the earth,
from its farthest corners I called you.
I said, 'You are my servant';
I have chosen you and have not rejected you.

10 So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

11 "All who rage against you
will surely be ashamed and disgraced;
those who oppose you
will be as nothing and perish.

12 Though you search for your enemies,
you will not find them.
Those who wage war against you
will be as nothing at all.

13 For I am the LORD, your God,
who takes hold of your right hand
and says to you, Do not fear;
I will help you.

14 Do not be afraid, O worm Jacob,
O little Israel,
for I myself will help you," declares the LORD,
your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel.

15 "See, I will make you into a threshing sledge,
new and sharp, with many teeth.
You will thresh the mountains and crush them,
and reduce the hills to chaff.

16 You will winnow them, the wind will pick them up,
and a gale will blow them away.
But you will rejoice in the LORD
and glory in the Holy One of Israel.

And I choose to forgive you.