Clueless Diva

How's it going, girlies?

And I mean boys and girls.

Without shouting out loud, the annual Mardi Gras parade was upon us again!

Being Singaporeans (means being kaypoh, or being curious-minded on a seriously sick level), we definitely have to check it out!! I heard so many horror stories...the pushing, shovings, smelly armpits stories and what not, Ernest insisted on dragging me along to 'feel' the atmosphere.

I dun think I need to elaborate further. The Mardi Gras parade is THE event to be if you are queer, funny or straight. The atmosphere is electric and although we had to spend a good half an hour shivering in the cold and shoving with your fellow leerers, the performers are great and they just love the crowds. Every gesture or little flick of the wrists were met with amorous woops and shouts of approval and we just love to oogle at the colourful costumes and weird makeup.

Jac & Ernest has covered the event pretty well and for all Singaporeans and foreigners who are reading my blog, please try to at least experience the Mardi Gras parade once in your lifetime. It is worth the crowding. Worse than queuing up to chop your passport at JB custom I can tell ya.

Hey to digress, I like how my colleague Andrew sums up the first show, the Dykes on Bikes, 'Eh...can see alot of neh nehs leh....hehehehe' [insert even louder pevert laugh].

OK, back to this, oh yes, Jac mentioned something about me and my boobs and I would like to share this horrible encounter at the parade.

We are being naughty, cos before hand, we have already been to the official website and read up on the whole parade. And at the end of it, we were quite clearly informed on the website that we are not suppose to bring/use milk crates at the parade. Ernest has proudly informed me before that it was ingenious of the originator of the milk crate user to use milk crates to prop themselves a notch higher than normal human height to get a better view of the parade (and to get fresh air too, I suppose)

Of course after reading this bit, we are more adamant to bring milk crates to the parade cos it means no one will be bringing the crates! Clever right? Then we can see the parade by ourselves regardless of the crowd!

So it was with a weeny bit of pride to say we were almost the only couple on our patch of crowd who have brought a milk crate and to balance 2 healthy big size adults on a small milk crate is not an easy feat.

People below us were shoving and squeezing and some were really really rude about it! As we were at the corner of an intersection where the floats were gathered, there was really not much standing room for about a hundred people and 2 adults on a milk crate.

There was this particularly disgusting guy who thought he is short enough to squeeze through the gap between me and a guy in front of me because the guy in front of me is polite enough to leave me some breathing space.

This 'short' guy whom I shall christen SG (no offence to Singapore!!) started to do the twist in front of me and very conveniently decide that the best position for him to stand is directly under my boobs which reached about his head because I was elevated on the milk crate!!!

Talk about disgusting! I shouted at him immediately in my fiercest voice 'Stop pushing! No space already can't you see?' OK the Singaporean in me when confronted with a cut queue, or not more Hello Kitty dolls or no more free New Paper at Raffles Place came to me and I was staring back at him with laser eyes. The guy who was in front of SG now was taken quite aback by the sudden shouting by me. I hope SG got my message that I am not a person to trifle with because at that spicy moment, the police came to us to tell us to disperse and make way for an ambulance passing through.

So have to go loh!

I think I dun want to go to the parade anymore next year unless I am watching from the comfort of a hotel room overlooking Oxford Street because the crowd, although very sporting and cheering, were very rough and alot of people were drinking alcohol while watching the parade. Alcohol-fueled fights are very common that night and I do not want to be part of one.

Experience once ok, but twice, no way. And Ernest also got story, Jac also got story. So there you go! You have to experience the parade once to make your life interesting.

Viva la Mardi Gras.........